- Christine Angelica
Stop Playing The Blame Game And Do This Instead
Our default, when something goes wrong, is either to blame ourselves or find someone else to blame! We're told we need to take responsibility and set boundaries for others.
But this habit of “blaming” is hella unhealthy. For the most part, it's a coping mechanism and as with so many coping mechanisms, a pattern we've fallen into. We think we're doing the right thing but if doing this usually leads to feelings of guilt, depression, and toxic communication, isn't time we rethink the merits of what we're doing?
Below are some reasons why you need to stop blaming and instead, focus on resolving, making the wronged party whole, and learning from your screw-ups.
Stop Blaming as Part of Self-Care
Blame doesn’t lead to any real change. It keeps us stuck in a loop of negative self-talk and rumination. And that can be a difficult cycle to break out of.
Instead of blaming yourself, take time to objectively reflect on what happened and where you made a wrong turn. Chances are, you were on auto-pilot, not thinking, or behaving in some manner that has ramifications not just for others, but for you too.
Rather than assigning blame or seeking revenge against the people involved, attempt to learn what you need to so you can avoid or limit such snafus in the future.
Focus on Solutions
In addition to taking personal responsibility for our feelings/behavior, we should focus on solutions instead of mindlessly assigning blame back and forth. That way, we can start moving forward toward identifying solutions that can benefit everyone involved in the situation – rather than just one person or party. Finding resolutions that satisfy all parties involved is important if we wish to make significant progress in any given situation.
When we put an end to blame-shifting and finger-pointing, then we become aware of how our behaviors affect other people - as well as how their behaviors affect us – both positively and negatively. With increased awareness comes greater empathy which increases our ability to approach conflicts thoughtfully without getting distracted by blame games or judgments about who's "right" or "wrong".
Blaming keeps us from seeing things in an objective light which prevents us from considering different perspectives– making resolution far more difficult than need be – so try thinking less about assigning blame and rather focusing on understanding yourself better first before attempting to understand others!